I Was A Burned-Out Mom Who Forgot Who I Was - Until I Took 72 Hours Alone
Two days after my daughter was diagnosed with a life-threatening genetic condition, someone ran a stop sign and totaled my car.
I wasn’t inured badly enough to need an ambulance in that moment, but sitting on the side of the road, holding my sick 1-year-old son who’d been jarred awake by the impact, waiting for the police to arrive, something in me just - broke. The floodgates opened and I couldn't stop crying. Not about the car. About all of it. The diagnosis I was still in shock from. The son I hadn't yet taken in for testing, but already knew in my gut would receive the same diagnosis. The catastophic turn our futures had taken.
That was my breaking point. And it only got worse.
What You'll Learn in This Post
Why burned-out moms feel worse after spa days and short "me time" - and what your nervous system actually needs to recover
The science behind why 72 hours is the biological turning point for mom burnout recovery
What happens inside your body and brain on Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3 of a solo reset
Why a 72-hour intentional solo trip restores what months of me time couldn't - regardless of budget
The biggest logistical barrier keeping burned-out moms from taking 72 hours alone — and exactly how to solve it
My Subtle Entry into Mom Burnout
The day my daughter turned 2, our sweet little babe suddenly became deliberately defiant. It was like someone told her she was 2 and that the time had come to make our lives miserable. I wrote it off as the “Terrible Two’s,” and then she became a “Threenager.” Over time, she got increasingly difficult to parent with her disobedience - then began the hair-pulling at school and church. Then the impulsivity and lack of focus. We told ourselves it was developmentally normal, and we just had to weather the storm.
The internet is a scary place when it comes to searching for causes and solutions to problems with your children. After pursuing various avenues, we eventually discovered she had conductive hearing loss due to chronic fluid in her ears. She was frequently sick, so this made sense. We got her ear tubes place, and almost overnight, she was a different kid.
Engaged. Social. Joyful. Obedient. Less impulsive.
All that time - she simply couldn’t hear.
Those two years of my life were rough. In the meantime, my husband and I had also experienced our third miscarriage, and then were blessed with our son. I remember putting at the end of our yearly Christmas newsletter something along the lines of being grateful to all the help and support we’d received for a really difficult year.
As I looked back over the 5 years my husband and I had been married, there was great joy and reward, but so much grief, and loss. A pandemic. Three moves. Navigating an insane housing market. Three miscarriages. And just the general difficulties of being a new wife, a new mom, and parenting littles.
Who Am I Anymore?
In those 5 years I had a complete identity shift. I finally got married at age 38 and had to unlearn a lot of selfish habits. I moved 1300 miles away from home to a city where I didn’t know anyone. Months later we lost our first baby in a second-trimester miscarriage. In the midst of a global pandemic, I became a new mom and left my 20-year career in nursing to stay home with my baby.
I had completely lost any semblance of who I was 6 years prior.
My hobbies were gone. I had no time to pour into myself and my own needs. Showers became a luxury. The isolation of moving to a new city was worsened by Covid.
By the grace of God, we were placed within a church community that showed me how to be a wife and a mom. These women had so much wisdom and I soaked in as much as I could.
But it was so hard. I wish I could say it has gotten easier.
Life Will Never Be the Same
And that can be a good thing, right? I mean, I don’t want to be the insecure and abused girl I was in my 20s and 30s. And I’d wished my entire life for a husband and family, and the Lord provided that for me.
But just when we thought we were a normal family living normal hardships, we were dealt a very devastating blow.
Both our kids were diagnosed - within 2 weeks of each other - with a life-threatening, life-altering genetic condition requiring both of them to receive bone marrow transplants. Currently, their prognosis is poor. Two days after the first diagnosis, someone ran a stop sign and totaled my car. A couple weeks later, my son was hospitalized with a dangerous flare of his condition.
What Burnout Actually Looks Like (It’s Not What You Think)
Our lives, and our futures became big question marks. Soon my days were monopolized with multiple doctor appointments, constant phone calls addressing oversights, and continually advocating for my children’s care. Conversations with my husband became logistics-focused, and primarily medical updates.
If there were any remaining threads of the woman I used to be, they were replaced by my new primary roles of Mama Bear and Care Coordinator.
My to-do list was miles long, and lengthening by the hour. Simple tasks like grocery shopping or planning dinner were completely overwhelming for me. My brain was in management mode 99% of the time, and my battery was totally drained by the end of the day - who am I kidding - by midday. I was going to bed at 8pm. My hair was falling out as if I was postpartum. I was having difficulties thinking of words and completing sentences. My relationships were suffering. I was snapping at my children and having huge outbursts - these sweet children who needed their mother to be emotionally regulated more than ever before. I felt completely helpless with my world spiraling out of control. I was a mess: physically, mentally, and emotionally. These are the places burnout shows up. Places where symptoms are often disregarded as being “tired” or “busy.” We blame it on our hormones, and our diets. I mean that belly fat is because you’re too busy chasing kids to get to the gym… and while that might be true, it might also have something to do with your cortisol in a chronically elevated state.
I am very much a pear. I’ve always been a pear. I hold my fat in my booty and thighs. Yet since I’ve been dealing with this, I have a new layer of fat around my abdomen. I am very much a “papple” now. It’s not because my weight distribution suddenly changed after an entire life of peardom. It’s because my cortisol has been off the charts for way too long.
Burnout never announces itself. It creeps in quietly when you aren’t looking. It masks as something else. Before you realize it, you’re feeling lost without a clear vision of where to turn next.
I love my kids unconditionally, but I was losing my ability to care well for myself, and subsequently, to pour into my family the way they needed and deserved.
I became numb. Too overwhelmed with my own emotions to even let them out. I felt like I was failing at everything and becoming a shell of a human being.
Why You’ve Been Resting Wrong
My husband supported any “me” time I needed - things typically associated with self-care: massages, pedicures, salon visits, outings with friends, afternoons at the local coffee shop. While all those were great, they never penetrated below the surface. They were short term fixes that often left me wanting more. I was sad they were over and I had to return to “real life.”
You see, there’s a difference between escaping “real life” for some “me” time and finding true restoration.
That solo shopping run or spa day doesn’t move the needle long term because your body needs more time, and nothing has changed at home. While there are short term beneficial physiological effects, the nervous system is in such a state of disarray that burnout recovery needs longer than a 60 minute massage. There’s some science behind this, which is fascinating and I’m going to dive into it here shortly, so stick with me.
I actually went to Websters to find the actual definition of rest:
a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities (So that excludes your solo Target outing).
freedom from activity or labor (Invisible labor falls under the category of labor).
peace of mind or spirit (When is that last time you experience that)?
a place for stopping or breathing (While this then goes on to give a landing between flights of a staircase as an example, I’ll argue burned out moms need a landing to stop and breathe).
something used for support (Finally, while a stool is suggested as an example here, I’ll go on to say an overwhelmed and exhausted mother needs something for support).
Rest can include so many different things, and if one thing is certain from these definitions, rest is not simply a nap.
But you need rest that actually makes a difference.
Before moving on to what that looks like, there’s an elephant in the room to address: the guilt that prevents you from even taking these “self-care” micro-resets.
If that’s you, I am going to give it to you straight - and this might be hard to read. If you know your nervous system is dysregulated but you are refusing to prioritize rest for yourself - that’s a bigger offense than taking time for yourself… in my opinion, anyway. Your family doesn’t need Superwoman, but they do need a wife and mother who is present, nurturing, and emotionally regulated. And you need it, too.
You have permission to prioritize your own personal wellness.
You have permission to reclaim your identity behind your roles.
You have permission to be a human with wants and needs, and you have permission to seek solutions to meet those.
What Happens to You When You Get 72 Hours Alone
One day I went to my husband and laid it all out. I needed a break. That’s all I thought it was going to be. I got more than I bargained for, and it changed my life.
I took a 72-hour trip to New York City - a place that holds a lot of growth and emotion for me. I have been traveling there regularly for the last 2 decades, and it was a place where I felt like I could reconnect to the old me and leave my current suffering behind - if only for a few days.
That 72-hours gave me so much more that I ever could’ve expected, and now I know why.
The 3-Day Effect
There is actual science that supports this. Cognitive psychologist, David Strayer, coined the term 3-Day Effect to describe his research regarding the physiological benefits of removing oneself from a stressful environment and spending 72-hours in nature, without technology. Study participants reported greater mental clarity, mood improvement, boosted creativity, and relief of stress.
Now while Strayer’s research dealt solely with technology detox in nature, the body’s responses are still applicable when you remove yourself from the environment responsible for your burnout.
The 72-hour Science
Your circadian rhythm, which manages things like your sleep cycle, hormone release, metabolism and appetite, stabilizes much better at 72 hours away from your stressful environment than 48 hours.
Elevated cortisol, and even lactate, can be reduced with intentional time away. Your metabolic processes begin to regulate at the 48 hour mark.
Nervous system dysregulation from maintaining “survival mode” status, doesn’t start to subside until 72 hours. Removing yourself from active stressors also decreases adrenaline spikes that puts you - and often keeps you - in fight-or-flight. Temporary separation from your responsibilities, mental load, and environmental stressors facilitates a literal nervous system exhale. (See Days 1-3 below).
Psychological detachment from stressors can occur within a matter of days, but if you are suffering from significant burnout, this can take much longer.
These are just surface level examples of how your body’s physiological responses shift when you give yourself pause and space to recover.
Day 1: The Ongoing Stress Response
The first day is often a mix of excitement and difficulty. You’re excited to give yourself the reset you need, but you probably miss your kids, and you probably feel guilty for leaving. Whether you have complete confidence in your partner or not, you’re probably wondering if Tasks A, B, and C are getting done, and you will probably catch yourself wondering what they’re doing and wishing they’d call you - even thought you don’t really want them to.
As you move through the day and your body feels the removal of your overstimulation, it starts reacting because it doesn’t know what to do with the lack of input. While your stressors may have stopped, your stress-response is still going strong. It’s going to take another 2 days to catch up.
This is the first step to recovery, and while you are heading in the right direction, you might actually feel more fatigued, anxious, and uneasy. You may start experiencing emotions out of the blue, and that’s ok. Feel them, because they’ve been suppressed for too long.
If you’re the journaling type, this is a great opportunity to get it out and start writing down everything you’re feeling. Putting pen to paper is an excellent way to process feelings - especially those that come as a surprise to you.
Day 2: Your Suppressed Parasympathetic Nervous System Comes Back Online
When your body is in a constant state of stress, your Sympathetic Nervous System is chronically activated, which means you’re in a consistent state of “fight-or-flight.” When you remove yourself from the environment that’s burning you out, it allows your previously-suppressed Parasympathetic Nervous System to come back online. A neurotransmitter called Acetylcholine is secreted, which causes the opposing “rest-and-digest” processes to return.
Your cardiovascular system doesn’t have to work as hard and your blood pressure comes down. You’re able to eat without subsequent GI upset, and you start pooping more regularly. (Nurse talk). You fatigue less quickly because your energy stores are replenished. You may also find an improvement in your libido. Heyyyyyyy…
Day 3: Your Default Mode Network
Did you know your brain has a Default Mode Network (DMN)? I know, it sounds silly, but if we’re being honest, the brain is the most complex computer we have so why not give it a techy term?
When you’re constantly task-oriented, processing the next thing in your mental load, analyzing and searching - your brain can’t be in its DMN state. And that’s unfortunate, because when your brain is in its default mode, your internal cognitive processes are supported.
Self-referential thought: you’re actually able to think about yourself and your needs; your identity under your roles
Autobiographical memory: you can recall personal experiences that can impact your wellbeing
Future planning: You have mental clarity to plan for future events (including how to implement changes at home to decrease your instances of burnout)
So as you’re nearing 72 hours into your reset, your adrenaline and cortisol have dropped, which has paved the way for calm in your mind and body. Then your Default Mode Network returns and you reclaim the ability to be intentional about implementing changes in your mindset, boundaries, and home environment to support your mental well-being, and the health of your family unit altogether.
What “Intentional” Actually Means (And Why It’s So Important)
Here's where most women get it wrong, and it’s the reason they come home from a solo trip and jump right back into the burnout.
They took the time. They booked the Airbnb. They told their partner to handle it. But they spent three days scrolling, stress-eating continental breakfast, running through a way-too-busy itinerary, mentally drafting the permission slip they'd have to write on Monday morning, and texting home every two hours to make sure nobody has ended up in the hospital.
That's not a reset. That's just burnout in a different zip code.
Intentional doesn't mean scheduled to the minute or following some rigid wellness itinerary. It means one thing: you stop being constantly available to everyone - including the version of yourself that manages everything.
In practice, that looks like this:
No problem-solving. Not the school situation, not the budget, not next week’s problems. All of those will be exactly where you left them in 72 hours. They do not need you right now. You do.
No performing. This one is quiet but it's big. So many moms even perform rest - posting the aesthetically pleasing coffee cup, texting friends updates, making the trip look a certain way. You should be proud of yourself for making this move. But the moment you're performing, you've left the reset.
No being available. This is the one that will scare you the most and matter the most. A true nervous system reset requires your brain to fully release the hypervigilance of being on-call. One check-in morning and night if you need the safety net, and the understanding that true emergencies take first priority, (you’ll discuss in advance what constitutes a true emergency), but outside of that, they are fine, and you need to let yourself believe that.
What to do instead:
Move your body in a way that feels good, not punishing. Eat what you actually want. Sleep when you're tired. Get out of bed when you want. Watch a movie from start to finish. Sit somewhere beautiful and do nothing. Follow curiosity - a bookstore, a trail, a restaurant you'd never get consensus on at home. Let boredom arrive. Boredom is your catalyst to creativity.
This is the part that feels indulgent until it doesn't. Until you realize that the version of you who comes home on Day 3 - present, soft, clear, yourself - is a better mother, partner, and human than the one who left.
That's not selfish. That's the whole point.
She’s Still There
The woman you were before the exhaustion set in - the one with opinions and passions and joy - she didn't leave. She got buried under the mental load, the invisible labor, and years of putting herself last on a list that never gets any shorter.
You don't need to find her. You just need to invite her on a 72 hour reset.
This should not be a 2-week vacation you can't afford. It’s not a spa day that leaves you wanting more. Don’t make another promise to yourself that you'll rest when things slow down - because they literally won’t ever, and you know that.
Just an intentional, and life-giving 72 hours.
The joy you're looking for in motherhood doesn't come from doing more or being more. (Apparently this is a new term called “Mommy Maxxing”). This is exactly what I’m talking about. Joy in motherhood comes from finally, actually, coming back to yourself enough that you can be completely present for the people you love the most.
You deserve to feel like yourself again. Not eventually. Now.
I was there and while my circumstances haven’t changed, my mindset and my approach has, and my well-being is all the better for it.
The biggest thing standing between most moms and 72 hours alone isn't permission. It's the pile of invisible knowledge living rent-free in her head - where the ponytail holders are kept, what goes in the bag for dance, the "but what if they need me" spiral that starts before she even packs a bag.
That's exactly why I built the Household Handoff Toolkit, which has everything you need to transfer the mental load to your partner and actually walk out the door with confidence. The emergency contacts, the house ops, the kid routines, the departure scripts - all of it done for you, with templates, so you can disconnect without the guilt. And as a bonus, most of these templates work just as well for babysitters too.
It's $47 and it's almost here. Get on the waitlist and be the first to know when it launches.
And tell me in the comments - what's the one thing that's always stopped you from actually leaving? I read every single comment.
